Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question
if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a
Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the
stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair