Read between the _______!
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish...... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........49
Adventurous. ......... ......... ......... Slept with everyone
Athletic.... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...No tits
Average looking..... ......... ......... ......... ........Ugly
Beautiful... ......... ......... ......... ..Pathological liar
Contagious Smile....... ......... ........Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure...... ......... ......... ....On medication
Feminist.... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......Fat
Free spirit...... ......... ......... ......... ......... Junkie
Friendship first....... .......Former very *friendly* person
Fun......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..Annoying
New Age......... ......... .....Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned. ......... ......... ......... ......... .No B Js
Open-minded. ......... ......... ......... ......... .Desperate
Outgoing.... ......... ......... .......Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.. ......... ......... ......... .......Sloppy drunk
Professional. ......... ......... ......... ......... ....Bitch
Voluptuous.. ......... ......... ......... ......... ..Very Fat
Large frame....... ......... ......... ......... ....Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate........ ......... ......... ......... ..Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces
attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with
rugged, masculine features.
And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and
set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved
up his backside