Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Housewife
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply:
Dear Desperate Housewife,
First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download
Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.
Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Think Again
Attachment Warning:
Contains adult oriented humor!
SEXUAL TENSION TEST
Exactly where is your mind these days? We hate to
hazard a guess, but if you ended up on these pages, my
guess is that you were wondering that same question.
The following test is a cute excersize that should
give you an idea what you are thinking about.
Look over the series of questions and write down the
first answer that comes to your mind.
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When
I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good. What Am I?
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me
off.
People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang
from me.
I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden
for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open. What Am I?
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up.
I get wet before you do. What Am I?
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and
ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole. What Am I?
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when
you're bored.
The best man always has me first. What Am I?
8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads
from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me. What Am I?
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
What Am I?
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff
your box.
When I come, it's news. What Am I?
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off. What Am I?
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver. What Am I?
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it. What Am I?
14. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have
a little pecker.
I'm better in your hand than in your bush. What Am
I?
Now, lets see how close your mind was to the actual
answers.
Scroll down below to find out….
Your almost there!
It's coming…….
And here are the answers…………
Sexual Tension Test Answers
This is what you were thinking, right? (Yeah right!!!)
Answers:
1. Your nose.
2. Peanut butter.
3. A crane.
4. The Titanic.
5. A tent.
6. Your Dentist.
7. A wedding ring.
8. An elevator.
9. Chewing Gum.
10. The newspaper carrier.
11. A glove.
12. An arrow.
13. An attorney.
14. A bird.
Contains adult oriented humor!
SEXUAL TENSION TEST
Exactly where is your mind these days? We hate to
hazard a guess, but if you ended up on these pages, my
guess is that you were wondering that same question.
The following test is a cute excersize that should
give you an idea what you are thinking about.
Look over the series of questions and write down the
first answer that comes to your mind.
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When
I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good. What Am I?
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me
off.
People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang
from me.
I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden
for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open. What Am I?
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up.
I get wet before you do. What Am I?
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and
ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole. What Am I?
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when
you're bored.
The best man always has me first. What Am I?
8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads
from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me. What Am I?
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
What Am I?
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff
your box.
When I come, it's news. What Am I?
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off. What Am I?
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver. What Am I?
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it. What Am I?
14. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have
a little pecker.
I'm better in your hand than in your bush. What Am
I?
Now, lets see how close your mind was to the actual
answers.
Scroll down below to find out….
Your almost there!
It's coming…….
And here are the answers…………
Sexual Tension Test Answers
This is what you were thinking, right? (Yeah right!!!)
Answers:
1. Your nose.
2. Peanut butter.
3. A crane.
4. The Titanic.
5. A tent.
6. Your Dentist.
7. A wedding ring.
8. An elevator.
9. Chewing Gum.
10. The newspaper carrier.
11. A glove.
12. An arrow.
13. An attorney.
14. A bird.
Monday, August 13, 2007
TAGAYTAY GHOST STORY
This story happened a few months ago along the Tagaytay Road. There was a
guy who got left behind by a pack of mountain bikers. The group was large
and he didn't bring a cellphone. He crashed his bike somewhere between
Picnic Grove and DBP. To make things worse,
a storm came in. So he walked.
This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in
the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The
storm was so strong he could hardly see
a few meters ahead of him.
Suddenly, just before the junction going to Manila, he saw a car slowly
looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept toward him and
stopped. It was raining hard, wind blowing all around you, what would you
do? Like you would, he got into the car and closed the door, then realized
that there was nobody inside the car.... even in the drivers seat.
The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to
think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly
approaching a sharp curve. The guy started to pray, begging for his life;
he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge
to his death, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the
window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the
bend.
Terrified, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a
curve. Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran
to the nearest place where there were houses and a store.
Wet and in shock, he went into the store and with voice quavering, ordered
two bottles of beer, and told the people about his horrible, supernatural
experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was
apparently sane and not drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the same store.
One said to the other....... ...
"Yan! Yan yung tarantadong sumakay habang nagtutulak tayo..."
guy who got left behind by a pack of mountain bikers. The group was large
and he didn't bring a cellphone. He crashed his bike somewhere between
Picnic Grove and DBP. To make things worse,
a storm came in. So he walked.
This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in
the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The
storm was so strong he could hardly see
a few meters ahead of him.
Suddenly, just before the junction going to Manila, he saw a car slowly
looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept toward him and
stopped. It was raining hard, wind blowing all around you, what would you
do? Like you would, he got into the car and closed the door, then realized
that there was nobody inside the car.... even in the drivers seat.
The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to
think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly
approaching a sharp curve. The guy started to pray, begging for his life;
he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge
to his death, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the
window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the
bend.
Terrified, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a
curve. Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran
to the nearest place where there were houses and a store.
Wet and in shock, he went into the store and with voice quavering, ordered
two bottles of beer, and told the people about his horrible, supernatural
experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was
apparently sane and not drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the same store.
One said to the other....... ...
"Yan! Yan yung tarantadong sumakay habang nagtutulak tayo..."
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Management Fables and Parables
5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you
$800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
(apparently, there is no such verse in Psalm 129 which denotes the above message. not even close. Don't even bother to check on your Bibles)
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A Small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually Gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you
$800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
(apparently, there is no such verse in Psalm 129 which denotes the above message. not even close. Don't even bother to check on your Bibles)
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A Small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually Gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and
engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one
of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted
indignantly. "In this country. we don't speak aloud in
public places about our sex lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my
frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and
engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one
of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted
indignantly. "In this country. we don't speak aloud in
public places about our sex lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my
frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again
Pinoy Humor!!
GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa
silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na
"Sugarfree."
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!
Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!
Mr: kung marunong ka lang sanang maglaba, eh di nka2tipid sana tayo ng
2000 sa maid.
Mrs: hmmph!! kung ikaw mgling sa kama , eh di nakatipid tayo ng 7500 sa
driver!
Doc: kambal anak mo. sister mo nagbigay ng names
Ina: eh tanga un doc, ano pinangalan sa mga anak ko?
Doc: sa girl, DENICE.
Ina: aba, ok un! eh sa boy?
Doc: DENEPHEW..
Son: Ma, bakit kayo tumatalbog sa ibabaw ni daddy??
Mom: Wala anak, pinapaliit ko lang tiyan ng Daddy mo.
Son: Nye! Mapapagod ka lang kasi hinihipan din uli yan ni yaya!
A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!
doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako ako sa resulta ng AIDS test!
tapos sasabihin pa niya...
THINK POSITIVE pare!
In a petshop...
Customer (talking to a parrot): "Hoy! can you speak ha? can you speak?
BOBO!'....
Parrot: "Yes, I can! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you fly? GAGO!"
Bigo sa pag-ibig??
Maghanap na lng ng....
KUBA - mapagkumbaba
PILAY - di ka tatakbuhan
BULAG - la paki sa looks
PIPI - di nagbibitiw ng bad words.
at eto the best....
DULING - di ka hahayaan mag-isa!
Magkaibigan kumakain...
Pedro: Anong palaman ng tinapay mo?
Juan: Kiso!
Pedro: Kiso? Ano ka ba nakakahiya ka! Hindi yan kiso!
Chess yan.. CHESS!!
Anong tawag sa uod na nasa gitna ng kalsada??... ..e di matapang!!
Baliw1: bakit ang airplane, pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa??
bakit ung bintilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa rin??
Baliw2: Tanga ka pala e! kasi ung bintilador may kurdon, pinipigilan
yon!
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: pasok na. wala na ako panty!
3 Baliw sa Mental nagku2wentuhan. ..
B1: ako presidente dito!
B2: wala ka sa akin! ako si bush, presidente sa america!
B1: cno nagsabi?
B2: Ang Diyos!
B3: At kelan kita sinabihan??
Prof: who among u experienced having sex with a ghost??
Juan raised his hand...
Prof: Really?? how does it feel to have sex with a Ghost?
Juan: Ay pucha! Akala ko goats!!
Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??.....
A: Ayaw niyang magising ang mga sleeping pills..
Nyahaha!!
Erap writing on a slumbook...
Favorite actor:
Arnold
Schawrze.. (erase)
Schaw.. (erase)
Swarzen.. (erase)
Washen.. (erase)
Swachen..(erase)
Arnold Clavio..
Teacher: jigs, ano susunod sa 7?
Jigs: 8 po!
Teacher: sa 2?
Jigs: 3 po!
Teacher: ang galing mo! sino nagturo sayo?
Jigs: tatay ko po!
Teacher: O sige, ano susunod sa 10?
Jigs: Jack po!
silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na
"Sugarfree."
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!
Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!
Mr: kung marunong ka lang sanang maglaba, eh di nka2tipid sana tayo ng
2000 sa maid.
Mrs: hmmph!! kung ikaw mgling sa kama , eh di nakatipid tayo ng 7500 sa
driver!
Doc: kambal anak mo. sister mo nagbigay ng names
Ina: eh tanga un doc, ano pinangalan sa mga anak ko?
Doc: sa girl, DENICE.
Ina: aba, ok un! eh sa boy?
Doc: DENEPHEW..
Son: Ma, bakit kayo tumatalbog sa ibabaw ni daddy??
Mom: Wala anak, pinapaliit ko lang tiyan ng Daddy mo.
Son: Nye! Mapapagod ka lang kasi hinihipan din uli yan ni yaya!
A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!
doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako ako sa resulta ng AIDS test!
tapos sasabihin pa niya...
THINK POSITIVE pare!
In a petshop...
Customer (talking to a parrot): "Hoy! can you speak ha? can you speak?
BOBO!'....
Parrot: "Yes, I can! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you fly? GAGO!"
Bigo sa pag-ibig??
Maghanap na lng ng....
KUBA - mapagkumbaba
PILAY - di ka tatakbuhan
BULAG - la paki sa looks
PIPI - di nagbibitiw ng bad words.
at eto the best....
DULING - di ka hahayaan mag-isa!
Magkaibigan kumakain...
Pedro: Anong palaman ng tinapay mo?
Juan: Kiso!
Pedro: Kiso? Ano ka ba nakakahiya ka! Hindi yan kiso!
Chess yan.. CHESS!!
Anong tawag sa uod na nasa gitna ng kalsada??... ..e di matapang!!
Baliw1: bakit ang airplane, pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa??
bakit ung bintilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa rin??
Baliw2: Tanga ka pala e! kasi ung bintilador may kurdon, pinipigilan
yon!
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: pasok na. wala na ako panty!
3 Baliw sa Mental nagku2wentuhan. ..
B1: ako presidente dito!
B2: wala ka sa akin! ako si bush, presidente sa america!
B1: cno nagsabi?
B2: Ang Diyos!
B3: At kelan kita sinabihan??
Prof: who among u experienced having sex with a ghost??
Juan raised his hand...
Prof: Really?? how does it feel to have sex with a Ghost?
Juan: Ay pucha! Akala ko goats!!
Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??.....
A: Ayaw niyang magising ang mga sleeping pills..
Nyahaha!!
Erap writing on a slumbook...
Favorite actor:
Arnold
Schawrze.. (erase)
Schaw.. (erase)
Swarzen.. (erase)
Washen.. (erase)
Swachen..(erase)
Arnold Clavio..
Teacher: jigs, ano susunod sa 7?
Jigs: 8 po!
Teacher: sa 2?
Jigs: 3 po!
Teacher: ang galing mo! sino nagturo sayo?
Jigs: tatay ko po!
Teacher: O sige, ano susunod sa 10?
Jigs: Jack po!
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